A year of reflection - 2023

I cannot begin to tell you how much I have stewed over writing this post. I have been back and forth and back and forth, which is funny considering I told myself I would go in to 2024 feeling confident in my decisions. And here I am, stumbling at the first sign of decision making. BUT ANYWAY, I digress. I am writing a personal round up post and it is mainly so I can look back at the year with fond memories rather than convincing myself it was terrible and awful and we didn’t do anything and I didn’t do enough and we didn’t spend enough time together etc. We actually did a fair amount even if we do spend 99.9% of our time at the beach or in the woods!!

I spent a lot of the latter half of 2023 having a long hard look at myself. This was the first full year I had been through in 7 years without having a single therapy session so I would say that is pretty significant! And hey, I am still standing, everyone is healthy, go me. I’ll dive more into my self reflection later…

I am going to go through month by month and just chat a little bit about what was going on for us. Some months were entirely underwhelming whilst others had a bit more substance. I am also writing this section without looking at my calendar or making a plan of what I am going to say so this could go entirely tits up.

Also p.s. I would imagine that nearly every month will be filled with 80% photos of Wren because we are now at the point where we have 2 teens and a pre teen who are not thrilled about a camera being pointed in their direction so I am not only respecting their privacy and wishes, I also won’t share all their grumpy faces when I push it too hard and do take a few!!

January + February

We very rarely have a wedding or any other bookings in January and February so we usually spend it catching up on admin, website maintenance and working out a plan for that year in terms of bookings, a marketing strategy, blog posts etc etc. Throw in a few Netflix binge sessions, a couple hundred meltdowns and ‘omg will this winter ever end?!’ tantrums and that pretty much sums up the first two months of every year for us.

Wren turned 4 in February and we had a very low key day spent doing all our favourite things in Hastings (trampolining, getting ice cream and going to the beach!) I also took my 3 older children to visit my grandparents who live in Norfolk. It was such a special day of just pottering around, going to the beach and having a very long overdue catch up. It was also in February that it started to dawn on me these were our last few months of having Wren with us at home before he started school in September. Queue panic planning of days out.

March

March was a busy month! Elsie turned 11 and I took her to see George Ezra at the o2 as a surprise. It was SO so special and she was sooo excited. Naturally I cried a lot watching her at her first gig.
Will and I went to see Grace Campbell in Brighton (would highly recommend. So so funny.) and we also went to see Ry X in London (let’s not talk about the fact we had to leave early because Oliver came down with a sickness bug whilst Will’s mum was babysitting).
I took Wren on the train to Folkestone just the two of us and we had such a good day together. The conductor let him sit in the drivers seat at the back as we were moving along and he was beyond thrilled!
Wren is one of those kids that 1-1 is an absolute angel but when Will and I are both together with him he is a demon. So these little trips just the two of us are nestled firmly into my heart and I really do treasure them.

I decided in March that I wanted to take a few portraits of people, free of charge, as i wanted to try out a little more movement in my photography and just generally take some pictures without any pressure from anyone paying me! Harvey actually agreed to me taking his photo and it made me all warm and fuzzy inside 🖤 I know I am his Mother but is he not the most beautiful 15 year old you have ever laid eyes on? I think we did these on one of the teacher strike days. Great use of time if you ask me.

April

Apart from it being the best month of the year because it’s my birthday month, it was also the start of wedding season for me! Kick starting the month with a 3 wedding week, one of which we were guests for up in the midlands for Will’s cousin! (Again, somewhat a dampener on the event as Wren was super poorly. Another event, another ill kid) so I only managed a picture of the big 3 dressed up and we don’t have any photos of Will and I in our finery!! Please note Elsie’s lilac suit. It got a lot of love on the day!
Wren and I took a trip into London to meet Will and his daughter, Rose. It was a really lovely day doing the usual tourist attractions and it was Rose’s first time in the city so she was absolutely made up!

Another month, another gig. It was the first time I had booked a single ticket to a gig and was prepared to go on my lonesome but luckily a wee cry for help on my IG and a past bride and groom I photographed said I could tag along with them! Thanks Millie + Kev for letting me third wheel for the evening!!

I took Wren to Hole Park and it was SO beautiful. Coincidentally I think it was for the bluebells and I don’t have any photos of them but Spring had fully sprung so the tulips were in full bloom! Queue Wren’s love affair for a map!

(I am rambling, aren’t I?! I imagine the only people who are actually reading this are Will, my Mum, and Will’s Mum.)

The last few days of April were also the start of the Jack In The Green celebrations in Hastings. Hands down one of my favourite events of the year (alongside bonfire night!) and we had the best time wandering down into the old town and watching all the dancers and drummers. We fully lapped it up in 2023 and I have pencilled it in my diary again for this year in the hope we can do all 4 days again.

May + June

May started off with the main event day of Jack in the Green (big pagan parade and lots of fun!) but other than that it was a pretty uneventful couple of months, just more beach trips and weddings! Harvey turned 15 in May and Will celebrated turning 33 in June.

July

July felt super busy for us with work which meant it did also feel like we lacked much time for each other or as a family. Will and I photographed a wedding in Italy and obviously then spent a few days exploring and making a little holiday out of it (the best time everrrr!) and I also had a wedding in Devon which Mum came with me for the ride and we spent a couple of days exploring too! Both were so so fun and we were buzzing to shoot a wedding in Italy. It lived up to all expectations and we had the time of our lives!

We did get to the woods a couple of times and me and Wren took a little trip to Camber together which, as always, was magical. Wren also had his final days at Nursery before breaking up for the holidays, and Elsie had her final weeks at primary school! A pretty emotional end to the year, I think I did spend most of it in tears of course.

August / Summer holidays!

A camping trip to Folkestone, Harvey’s first gig, A LOT of weddings, family visiting, our first trip to Fairlight Hall, many sea swims, Oliver became a teenager and just generally spending as much time on the beach as possible! It felt somewhat of a whirlwind over the holidays and I tried to enjoy it as much as I could but in all honesty I spent most of it panicking about Elsie starting secondary school and Wren starting primary school. Although it would mean our lives logistically would be a lot easier to manage, I just couldn’t shake the feeling of sheer worry. I worried so much that Elsie would fall in to the wrong crowd and be influenced in a bad way, and I worried Wren would hate spending every day at school and that he would just cry at the gates every day. I was also feeling a lot of anxiety at the thought that Harvey was going in to his final year at school and GCSE’s were coming.

Turns out, Elsie has got a crackin’ set of friends and she stays well away from all the drama. Wren loves school and has lapped it up, and we have loved making friends with other like minded parents and being a part of something in Hastings. Harvey has been trying SO hard at school since September and we are endlessly proud of his achievements. He has never really enjoyed the school environment but he has persevered and we are feeling hopeful for things to come.

September

And so a new era for us began. All of our children at school 5 days a week! We had visions of long walks together and getting HEAPS of work done when in actual fact, juggling a school calendar for 4 kids is quite the task in itself. We did get a couple more sea swims in and September was also the month we got Wren’s eyes tested to discover he has an astigmatism and needed glasses. (Another emotional time for me!! I felt tremendous guilt for what I had passed on but it’s ok I am over it now and he looks SUPER cute.)

We saw Ry X in St Pauls Cathedral which was super special. The first and only gig like it, at such an incredible venue, we felt very lucky to witness it. You can view one of the recordings filmed HERE.

AND IN THE MOST EXCITING NEWS OF THE WHOLE YEAR…. Our puppy was born on the 8th September! I finally managed to convince Will to get a dog (after doing a literal spreadsheet of costings and reasons why we should have one. It took some work.)

October

This was actually a really busy month! We really did feel the effects of all the kids at school by the time half term came around and were determined to make the most of it. We went pumpkin picking (selecting) with friends, went to see Wills family in Stafford for a few days, more trips to the beach, visited the puppies twice and picked our boy (!!) and took full advantage of the last of the lighter evenings.

Mentally, October was the start of some pretty down and dark days for me personally. I finished my wedding season relatively early in 2023 and I didn’t quite realise the effects it would have on me not working as much. The days felt very long and I found myself constantly fed up and grumpy. Queue the start of some reflecting for me which seemingly continued through to present time. One thing I have come to work on is that my expectations are generally too high. I expect an awful lot of myself and those around me, and even things like events and days out!

November

SID ARRIVED! We brought home our little bundle of fur, Sid, on 1st November and our lives turned even more chaotic from that moment on!! Those first few weeks were exhausting, likened to having a newborn baby. I do remember walking around the house and just thinking my body didn’t even feel like my body anymore and I had no idea what was left and right or up and down. Having a puppy is no mean feat! But he has brought so much joy to our household, it really is true that once you live with a dog you can’t live without one. It had been 3.5 years of not having a dog in my life and life just didn’t feel the same.

Aside from puppy, we went to see our absolute favourite artist of all time (City and Colour) in the same week we got Sid, twice. No, we do not do things lightly. I, obviously, cried both times and it was so special seeing Oliver and Elsie enjoy it with us too. Without realising it, we had booked his last gig of the tour and so he played heaps more songs to finish it off and it was just absolutely magical. I don’t think I will ever smile so much again ever in my life 😂

Elsie also performed in her first talent show at school with some of her friends and it was incredible to see her shine! She really is a stage girly and I am so excited to see what other things she gets up to along her school journey.

Ok fine, here is what you all came for. Without further ado, Sid’s first month with us….

December

I would say that aside from the joy we all felt bringing Sid home, November did continue the constant doom and gloom I had been feeling in October. December did somewhat lift due to being able to take Sid out for short walks and it forced me in to getting fresh air which aaaaalways helps. Those first few weeks being cooped up inside with the puppy was honestly torture and joyous but a lot of torture!

December saw a lot of walks with Sid, a week of sickness, and a really really lovely Christmas.

I spent the last few months of 2023 really looking in on myself. (A consequence of having too much time to think!) What sort of person am I? What sort of person do I want to be? Am I too reactive? Too impatient? Too ‘much’? And what I have now come to discover is that I am just me, and what I am is what I am. I know deep down that I am a good person, I care and I have empathy and whilst I may over react in high stress situations or loose my patience too quickly when NO ONE IS LISTENING TO ME!! Isn’t that all just very human?! We all have things we need to work on in life, absolutely no one is ‘perfect’ and no one gets it right every day. But I am a good person and I have people that love me for who I am, and so all the other things are just a WIP.

One thing that social media is to blame for is the constant comparison, whether that be a conscious thing you are aware of or it may be something that subconsciously eats away at you. A few years ago I read that someone only follows people that bring them joy or they can learn something from and I really took that on board during lockdown and have continued to do so. But I did find myself doom scrolling in December and noticing twinges of comparison and not feeling good enough. It always gets you when you’re down. But anyway, I am fully rambling now and have DEFINITELY over shared. I don’t really do short stories and I certainly don’t know how to stop myself from sharing every part of me and us. My good friend always tells me I am real, and I don’t really do anything else. I take that as a compliment! It just means I ramble an awful lot… if you got this far then you get 10 points, a puppy snuggle whenever you request and a large pat on the back.

I am really really looking forward to a year of putting all my learning in to place.

Saying yes to friends more, read more, walk more, trust my instincts and just don’t give a damn what anyone thinks of the decisions I am making.

Here’s to a content 2024